Seventy times Seven

"Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart." ~ Corrie Ten Boom

I have a secret sin (for another second, anyway): I'm bitter. Surprised? It's true. I am generally an optimistic, hopeful person. I like to give people the benefit of a doubt. There are exceptions, though. Two that readily come to mind. Two individuals that, given a new offense or simply a faulty mood on my part, become the subject of "righteous indignation" and a venting session worthy of daytime television. And when the dust settles, I feel worse. Not only have I failed to relieve those feelings of hurt, anger and resentment, but I have also unloaded that negativity on someone I care about. Research suggests that venting, rather than relieving the pressure of anger, essentially acts as a "rehearsal" of the feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness. In most cases venting leads to more anger, not less. And that should really come as no surprise. We are cataloging the transgressions of the offender. We present the "record of wrongs," seeking justification of our anger, our hurt, our bitterness from an earthly jury. The jury's verdict is nearly always a resounding, "Guilty." But even once the verdict is read, we revisit the trial time and again. Intentionally reliving moments of anguish, misunderstanding, hurt, or injustice over and over again. Our courtroom is flawed.

The fix for this flawed system, as the Holy Spirit has been actively impressing upon me over the last few weeks, is forgiveness. I revel in the graciousness of a forgiving Father, but what of those who have wronged me? Sadly I (and probably some of you reading this as well) can identify with the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him.  My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” 

~ Matthew 18:23-35

The moral of the story? In order to receive forgiveness, we must be willing to forgive. Not just say we forgive someone, but actually forgive them. And in case there is any doubt on the subject, it is reiterated a number of times in the New Testament:

"This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.' For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

~ Matthew 6:9-15

 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."

~ Mark 11:25

"Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive."

~ Colossians 3:12

But what does true forgiveness look like? Have you ever screwed up and later apologized to someone. He or she says they accept your apology and forgive you, but down the road you find yourself at odds with them again (regardless of who is "at fault") and all of a sudden you're being read a laundry list of all the things for which he or she said they forgave you? Me too. Have you ever been the one recounting that list of wrongs? Yeah, me too. If our interactions with a person are filtered through a sieve of their past transgressions (in the sense that we automatically interpret every word or action to confirm our own negative ideas about them and sift out and ignore any evidence to the contrary), I think it is safe to say we have not truly forgiven them. We harbor ill-will. Ill-will that not only takes roots as bitterness in our hearts, but it also interferes with our fellowship with the Father and, if the other party is a believer, sows discord in the body of Christ.

Forgiveness is an extension of grace (read: it is undeserved) born out of love. As we know from I Corinthian 13, love is, among other things:

• Patient - Understanding that everyone struggles and change is a process
• Kind - friendly, generous
• Not Self-Seeking - not more concerned with saving face, proving something or seeking revenge than with being obedient and extending grace to the undeserving (just as we've received)
• Not Easily Angered - not jumping immediately to anger and negativity, but rather being willing to give the benefit of doubt, extend grace, etc.
• Keeps No Record of Wrongs - forgives in a manner consistent with the example God has given us Himself and through Jesus Christ

I don't know about you, but so far, my forgiveness report card is not looking so hot. The Old Testament gives us further insight into what true forgiveness (as extended by God) looks like:

"The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger an abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep His anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us."

~ Psalm 103:8-12

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgressions of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea."

~ Micah 7:18-19

Your sin is gone. Don't let the condemning whispers of the enemy fool you. That is not God recounting your past mistakes. It is the enemy seeking to thwart the purpose of God in your life. And when I offer only a feeble, false representation of forgiveness to someone in my life, it may very well be my voice in that person's ear doing the enemy's work for him. I must not listen to or allow myself to become the condemning whisper that fuels crippling guilt and self-pity.


Perhaps the best picture of what forgiveness looks like, however, is the image of a perfect man, God incarnate, sent to earth for one purpose: To rescue us; to purchase our forgiveness with His blood. Forgiveness is not easy. Blameless though He was, Jesus was tormented. He was lied to and about. He was falsely accused. He was beaten savagely. Traps were laid for him. His words were twisted and misconstrued. He was betrayed by one of His beloved twelve. He was humiliated. Mocked. Murdered. And if His prayer in the garden is any indication, He didn't feel like doing it, but He chose to do it anyway.

How can I, in all my imperfection, totally dependent on His grace, hold fast to the hurt, the anger, the torment and refuse to forgive? How insulting is that to the Savior who gave everything to extend me forgiveness? Am I more deserving of forgiveness than those that hurt me? Of course not. I'm clinging to a self-serving double standard. And if I feel I cannot forgive, that I do not have it in me to do so, who better to give that hurt, anger and torment over to than the one who so freely gave of Himself to free me from my own sin? The One who knows exactly what I am going through, and then some. Forgiveness is a not a feeling. It is a choice. And the longer I live (and the more avenues through which the Holy Spirit prods), the more I realize how dependent I am on God even for that.

The hardest aspect of the forgiveness dilemma for me was voiced through Peter's question to Jesus:

 "Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.'"

~ Matthew 18:21-22  

In light of the fact that "[love] keeps no record of wrongs," I believe it's safe to say that Jesus isn't suggesting that we keep track of a person's offenses up through No. 490 and after that we get a free pass on the whole forgiveness thing. The point is that regardless of whether a person is sorry, regardless of whether the offense is repeated time and again, we are to forgive. Even if they never proactively ask for our forgiveness.   

Forgiveness is a big deal because it is an opportunity for us to reenact here on earth what our Heavenly Father did for us through Jesus Christ. If my version of forgiveness is the only version a person has by which to gauge the forgiveness offered through Jesus Christ, will he or she want anything to do with it?

I was chatting with Daddy about this blog yesterday and he used a phrase I love: He said that forgiveness is our opportunity to "multiply grace." What a beautiful thought, indeed. That is what I want forgiveness to look like for me ... and I know that through His love and strength, it will be.