Yesterday I wandered through Fred Meyer as they set up their seasonal floor area with buckets upon buckets of fresh flowers adjacent to aisles of chocolate and every sweet thing imaginable. It was the calm before the storm. I can imagine the madness today as folks sift through a dwindling card selection, frantically trying to avoid the icy stare and cold shoulder at home that may result from coming home empty handed on this fabulous made up holiday. We've arrived, folks. Welcome to the day of Love.
But between the panicked and the head over heels crowds, there is another group of folks who bemoan this day's existence. While some single people are entirely indifferent to the commercialized madness of a day devoted to "love" (or are just looking forward to the candy clearance that follows it ... ahem), others find it to be a cruel reminder of their relationship status. Heartbroken. Divorced. Widowed. Waiting on Mr. or Ms. Right, wondering if he or she will ever show up.
The funny thing is that love by our human standards is not all chocolates and roses. Sure, dating is fun. Getting engaged is exciting. The wedding is ... well, stressful ... but magical, sure. But marriage? The aftermath of all that romance and excitement? Folks, marriage is HARD. It is absolutely joyous at times, but it truly can feel like you're being put through the wringer at others. Holding steady on that course in times of difficulty (financial hardship, raising kids, illness, raising kids ... etc.) is a rough road to travel, and one that many folks diverge from in an age when divorce is so commonplace and almost expected. Human "love" fails. It disappoints. It falls short of our expectations.
So. In light of the fact that we haven't quite got this love thing figured out, what if we chose to to spend this love-crazed holiday focusing not on our human approximation of "love," but rather on true love (I definitely just said that to myself in the priest's voice from "The Princess Bride," but I digress ... ). I'm not talking "once upon a time ... " love. I'm talking about the real, unconditional, unfathomable love of God. The kind of love that proves out every time in patience, selflessness, sacrifice .... the kind of love that never fails. Love and its importance are defined for us in one of Paul's letters to the church at Corinth:
"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.So. Quick self-assessment. Completely confidential. Between you and God. How does your love rate against what scripture says love is? Yeah. My score sheet doesn't look so hot either.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.Love never fails."
I Corinthians 13:1-8
And that's for the people I truly say I love or with whom I am in love. What about everyone else? Biblical love isn't a "Be my Valentine," invitation only affair. Nope. We don't get off the hook that easily.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”"As I have loved you .... " A tall order when it comes straight from the mouth of the Savior. You really want a holiday to celebrate love? Try Easter. Not the big bunny with floppy ears and colorful eggs (and more clearance priced candy) variety. The "I love you so much that, even in the face of your abuse and neglect and rebelliousness, I will take on the punishment intended for you" variety. Jesus wasn't interested in love that demanded "fairness" or reciprocation. His love had no conditions. It was about who He was and the Father He served, not about our worthiness as the objects of that love. But that's what our version of love tends to be about, isn't it? It's something about the other person that makes us love them or invokes kindness.
John 13:34-35
So what happens when the other person doesn't "deserve" that kind of "earned" love? How many times have you responded with harsh words or a dirty look (or a scathing social media post ... !!) when someone has been rude or lashed out at you? How might responding instead in love ... God-derived, REAL love ... change that person over time? We may never know if we continue to do what the world expects of us. Returning kind for kind. But we're called to be different, set apart. Sometimes we cannot muster the strength on our own (there are days when its hard even in our own families), but praying for God to give us His love for others will change not only our own hearts, but the lives of those around us as well as He works through us. Be the channel through which His love flows rather than trying to be the source, and the glory will rest in its proper place.
So this Valentine's Day, by all means, get your sweetheart some flowers and go out to dinner. Buy that clearance candy. But try to focus on celebrating real love this day -- and every day -- by exuding a love that touches every person you come into contact with. Be free in giving out smiles and a friendly "Good morning!" to strangers. Hold doors open. Help a stranger (or a sibling ... eek!) clean up a mess. Speak life into people's lives, not condemnation. Give the benefit of doubt. Discipline your kids in love, not anger (because love isn't the same as enabling poor choices and behavior, see Hebrews 12:6 and about half of the book of Proverbs). Be an encouragement, not a critic. Choose love. Godly love. True love. And live it. Every day. Every day can be a celebration of love if we choose it.
